i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
