There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
