Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
