Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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