whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
