oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
