she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
