I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
