my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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