I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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