Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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