Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
