bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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