i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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