There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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