Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize