I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
