Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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