Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
