uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
