saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
