bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
