We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
