so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
