i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
