my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
