Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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