Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
