funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
