New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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