So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
