I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize