If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
