if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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