Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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