Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
