I wish my penis had an off switch
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
