Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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