he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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