it wasn't lemon gatorade
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
