last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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