apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
