I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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