Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
