I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
