6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There r osticjed everywhere
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
