i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
