You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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