Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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