Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
