I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Even my vagina gasped.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
