I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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