chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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