Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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