Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
