the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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