it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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