i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
