they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So here I am, sexting at work.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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