I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
