You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
