Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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