You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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