i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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