Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
