I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
