If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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