Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You are the jesus of drinking
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
