It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
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