if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
